Sunday, April 25, 2010

Marriage Question…. finally answered.

Been a long time since I posted. Have several written, but have yet to hit the publish button on Live Writer.

So to start, I thought my first post should be a response to the ONE question I received from my last post, asking for any questions regarding marriage.  The question was posted Anonymously on March 14…. so I’m a bit late answering it!

Here is the Question:

“What do you suggest to couples who share similar ideals and morals, and over all have a good relationship but lack many similarities when it comes to recreational activities?”


Well, The quick, short answer is the hardest one to take:

Work at it.

The fact is, EVERY marriage has this problem to an extent. You see, Men and Women are very, very different. Even when we enjoy the same things, we usually enjoy them for different reasons.

So each person in the marriage has to make concerted efforts to become interested in the others interests.

In my marriage this has proven to be tough, but possible. And its even resulted in some pleasant surprises. Though my wife Patty has never acquired an appreciation for comic books, action movies or sci-fi/fantasy stories, she has bravely tried, and on occasion found some of the stories I love to be to her liking.

In the first year of our marriage she came to me and said she would like to read one of the books I had read. At the time I was reading approximately 10-15 detective novels per month. Dashiel Hammett, Raymond Chandler, Ross MacDonald, and the modern master, Robert B. Parker. I gave her my copy of Parker’s “The Godwulf Manuscript” his first published novel, and the beginning of the Spenser series (I ended up reading the first 25 novels in the series). She read it in a week and actually liked it. We  had something to talk about and had a period of time where we watched detective shows and movies together.


On other occasions I have “learned” to like the movies Patty likes and try to regularly go to the movies with her to see “chick flicks”.


And guys, I make no apologies for learning to like my wife’s movies, even the musicals. Does wonders for the “you don’t understand me” issues in a marriage.

Just two examples from my personal life…. hope they help illustrate the principle. You have to try to find common ground. It might mean giving up something you enjoy to have the time to do something you both enjoy. Its not easy, but Marriage is never easy… but it is worth it.